When you have front row seats at their funeral?
The opportunity to save them, is today – tomorrow may never come.
It is a Bitter Pill to swallow when it comes to the unsettling topic of child and young adult deaths involving illegal motorcycles, scooters and even cars – more often than not, ones that have been stolen. Some feel that society needs to catch up to convenience, others feel parents are failing their children through apathy or incompetence. Get the kettle on, this may be along one, but we need to address it.
It is a harsh topic, but with so many losing their lives or having life changing disabilities it is one that needs to be discussed. This is not to point fingers and blame – many may be reading this that are bereaved, and though we pass on our greatest condolences, there are parents that still have a chance to save theirs. We can neither prevent this loss of life, nor assist parents that are genuinely struggling unless we tackle it. Sending off more balloons, routine pity posts on Social Media when it is too late. Calling other peoples children to action to partake in the same dangerous riding on illegal/stolen bikes and scooters that cost your own child their life is just reckless endangerment of someone else’s child. That feeds the narrative of irresponsible parenting that others that do not know you may feel is the cause. We know that is not always the case; most parents love their children unconditionally, errant or not.
As parents, we are always protecting the children, grabbing them if they fall, or reprimanding them if they attempt to run towards danger in order to protect their life and future. But at some point, some parents appear to be ending that natural instinct to protect them from harm. Where is the point of change, where you think ‘Ah well, they are having fun and it keeps them out of the house’? Where does care end, and when does apathy or even overwhelm prevail? What stopped you reaching out to grab them? Did it become too hard or is here an age to mark the point your child became a liability rather than a gift?
Hard hitting questions for some and rest assured, this isn’t a parent bashing exercise at all. We are acutely aware that modern families often have severe financial pressures, and thus time nurturing these children is an issue. But that cannot be an excuse for not knowing what your child is doing, or not taking any action to prevent them doing wrong, when you do know they are up to no good. They didn’t choose to be born, you did that – so it is your responsibility as their parents to do your best against all odds, and get help if needed. There is no shame in reaching out. Today is a high pressure environment for kids to grow up in, and parents all know there is no handbook other than doing what is right for them, encouraging them to better themselves by our lived experiences and keeping the moral compass pointed in the right direction. None of us are perfect, we just do the best we can, and hope that we did it right.
The aim of this, is to open the eyes of some, whose child right now is travelling at 60mph, or 160mph on an illegal bike with no lights and someone else’s 12 year old daughter on the back having a scream and laughing with their friends. That is all fun until the laughing falls to silence and you are left pleading that you would give anything to hear him or her laugh just one more time.
The uncomfortable truth is, that far too many kids and young adults are losing their lives and have little direction from the adults they are around in their life to advise or assist them in staying on the right path. Often these parents will blame others; lack of youth centres, things to do or the number one has to be ‘The Police’. ALL have been disproven, in fact these same issues occur around very good and active youth centres. One famously was set alight by the same youths that attended and enjoyed an event earlier that evening. Others have seen bike tracks that have been provided after much campaigning left unused, but new infant parks vandalised as the bike track took ‘ten minutes’ to get to and parents blaming Police and councils for not making it a ‘more convenient’ location. Ten minutes…. Provision is not the cause, nor are the Police. Police are only present when parental leadership has failed, or was not there in the first place so blaming Police is a parent struggling to accept that they failed their child. You decide if you find solutions or excuses: One could cost your child their life, and possibly others.
Added Pressure for Todays’ Youth
There is the constant influence of media that many parents never had to grow up with and are ill equipped to deal with effectively, that is a mitigating factor. Youth of today are forced to grow up under increasing pressure, this is true. Modern parents are less in contact with their children as the cost of living is pushed so high, that both parents have to work to pay the ever increasing bills and of course blended families or Parental Alienation has consequences. With tech gadgets becoming desirable for youngsters, this puts the finances under more strain and kids are finding ways to finance these luxury items such as electric motorcycles and scooters through county lines, burglary and theft. But look back to your youth. Be that a TV in your room, an Atari games machine, a BMX or a Computer – these were the tech desirables back then and they cost a similar amount when compared with the tec of today. A basic e-scooter is £250, that would be the cost of a portable TV in 1985, or maybe a Mega-Drive in 1990. Not every parent could afford one, and not every kid had one. The only thing that has changed, is that we would have either earned it or gone without. Today expensive goods and labels are a necessity for likes on social media and and acceptance. I am sure there will be some reading this that will recall the BMX rage of the eighties – you had to have one to be accepted. You didn’t steal to get it though.
It isn’t just your child: It is who they hit, who they take with them and who dies as a result. That may mean your child is blamed, it may mean your child is a victim, it may mean your child spends a considerable time in prison for manslaughter. This happened to a 12 year old, whose 17 year old passenger died when they crashed a stolen motocross bike into a railing. He was sentenced to ten years. This should be rare, shocking – but it isn’t, it’s routine.
Writing this was delayed, as we heard of an incident in Ireland whereby 5 youths lost their lives in a head-on collision using stolen cars, and a woman and her child paid the ultimate price with theirs. 7 lives lost. A terrible incident, and we have heard that one parent has chosen to speak out and say that her son was a good boy, that was easily led and ‘a lost soul’ Whilst we have the utmost sympathy for those bereaved, let’s make one thing absolutely clear here so that other parents are not in those same shoes: A ‘Lost Soul’ is a youth that is screaming out for guidance and direction of a parent or adult – that is your cue to step up and save your child. Pull them back from the edge; nothing is more important, nothing!
To make matters worse, we hear of more wasted lives days later in another head on collision, 5 more killed along with 2 Police officers that had nothing to do with the earlier pursuit and we just doing their job and planning to go home to their families. It appears since, that this is gang related with tit-for-tat attacks which have led to the murder of a woman and a child through arson. Again, all known offenders. 9 lives lost for what? Those parents KNOW their child is doing this, risking their life and the lives of others, innocent passers by and those just doing their job, or going about their daily lives. Taken from families due to YOUR parental failings. Vigil’s where property is set alight and damaged to ‘honour’ their death. Honour what they did for society or your failure to help them when they needed you? To mark the death of your child by risking other peoples’ children; errant or not, is both shocking and bizarre. It is reckless stupidity that almost exonerates your child for the poor decisions they made. If this is the level that your parental guidance is to be judged – these kids never had a chance. Whilst sympathy is with the bereaved here and their families on all sides, lets try to be a better, more stable influence to these young people Let’s try and set a goal far higher than encouraging the behaviour that took the lives of your child and innocent bystanders. We must do better.
“Every day, a chance passes you by to save your child’s life”
What Action can you take as a parent?
Some children really struggle and need extra support, and some children are just very rebellious and may have no logical reason to want to choose this pathway when siblings have or are doing well. There are often reasons for this: educational or neuro divergency is often a reason why some fail to connect and of course those that have challenging backgrounds such as being in state care, separated from their families or have trauma to deal with that may find themselves particularly at risk. Police run outreach programs with schools to engage with those struggling and support them and parents – so take it! There is help there from some really great people – break the cycle, and reach out and be that hero parent.
We work with various agencies and schemes that act as outreach to these children and young adults. To retrain, or engage with them and put them onto better paths. Many have had very successful training, qualifications and others are doing well at school since engagement, or are getting support with neuro divergency they didn’t get before. Look into it, reach out now!
A child can do anything, they can change the path they are on and that should be instilled regardless of background and without shame of their roots. Their future is net set in stone.
Children do not have to be as their parents were – be that either successful academically so they must achievea set standard, or on the other end of the spectrum have a criminal background and feel their fate is set in stone. They can be anything, they can change the path they are on and that should be instilled regardless of the background, and without shame of their roots. That can be one child wanting to be a mechanic as opposed to a Doctor, or another wanting to be successful and have that big house down the road, instead of being in and out of prison as generations have done before them – that happens, often. Society has a way of keeping some below a social threshold, especially those seen as troublesome or struggling. I believe that every child is a blank canvas, and they can do anything, and be anyone and better themselves at any time. Our job as parents, is to make sure they are aware of this, and to guide them to do better than we did by teaching them the lessons we learned, often the hard way so that they don’t have to – if we don’t do that, what is the point?
WHERE IS YOUR SON OR DAUGHTER TONIGHT?
These mourning parents share a common theme. They all wish for just one more chance to have changed what happened and to have your child back. You see memorial rides, with illegal bikes, ballons and fireworks and for some of them, the clock is ticking it may stop ticking that night or maybe another. Their parents, like you have a chance to save them. . The cycle has to end, in order to stop this loss of young life.
If nothing else – remember one thing: Every night is a chance, tonight may be the last chance to Save your child. You do not get to roll the dice again for a better outcome. I hope you make the right choice.
We give our greatest sympathy to those parents who have lost children, and those that felt it cutting a little deep. Our aim is not to blame, shame or make you feel worse than you already do – you paid the ultimate price. We hope that this may make some parents think, and we hope you will encourage them to take that chance to save theirs that you didn’t see coming, or get support if needed so that they do not have to suffer as you have done. May you find peace in knowing that your suffering may help prevent the loss of others – that is the most effective way to honour your child. Preventing it happening to any others.
There are far too many youths dying this way that we have seen over the last ten years. Far too many lives wasted. It has to end! Four days a week, one of your children dies this way. Some are never heard of, a ‘vigil’ where balloons are released, a shrine by the roadside or bikes are stolen and ridden around dangerously ‘in memory’ of a person so many people appeared to have loved to have around, but nobody cared about enough to save. May those souls Rest in Peace.
